At Fuzzy Credit Card Processing, we're not quite as bad as other processors you've worked with, and we use that marginal advantage to bring you lower rates. If credit card processing rates have got you down, we can help.
We want you to feel warm and fuzzy. After all, it's in our name!
Our super-competitive rates and fees are listed below. This isn't all the fees because we don't want to make things
look too complicated, and we use a pricing scheme that conceals the real cost of processing so we don't have to
waste a ton of time explaining things.
1Additional fees apply, including PCI compliance fee, PCI non-compliance fee, statement fee, free equipment supplemental fee, and a cancellation fee. Fees are subject to change at any time without notice to you.
*Qualified rate applies only to swiped transactions involving a debit card. All other transactions will be charged at higher rates that we're not showing you. Our pricing scheme is a win-win – you see a really low rate, and we still make a ton of money because we get to charge you using a higher rate.
We have really good salespeople. They can make almost anything sound good, and they know when to turn on the pressure. We'll sell our way right into your pocket book!
You bet we do! You see, here at Fuzzy Credit Card Processing we use a special pricing model that allows us to offer rates that look really low but still produce high monthly charges. The details about how it works are all pretty complicated, and we prefer to spare you the headache of all that confusing hooey – just take our word for it. We'll quote you the lowest rates you'll ever see.
It's super low. Our pricing will save you a ton of money compared to what you're paying your current processor -- guaranteed. Check out our pricing to start saving today! Not processing yet? No problem! Just read the question above to learn about our low rates.
Of course not! Well, not exactly. We don't technically raise your rates so much as we sort of move them around a little. The special pricing we use allows us to increase your costs just a smidge every few months while keeping the rates you see exactly the same. It’s a win-win! You can rest easy knowing that the rates on your statement won't change, and we can buy cool stuff with all the money we'll make.
Not only will we match your processor's rates – we'll beat their over-charging pants off! We want you to think you have the lowest rates possible, and that’s certainly not the case if you're shopping for a new processor. Send us a copy of your current statement so we can see how badly you're currently being gouged. We'll crunch a few numbers, and we'll quote you rates that will be way different than your current processor.
We're here to please! Simply sign our contract first, and we're more than happy to pay the cancellation fee of your current processor. Rest assured that Fuzzy Credit Card Processing isn't like all of the other credit card processors. We're straight-shooters that you can trust.
Applying for a super-saving Fuzzy Credit Card Processing account is easy. Our fully trained staff is ready to assist you just long enough to get set up. Call our sales line at 800-509-4220. Be sure to press option 1 because option 2 is customer service, and you’ll have to leave a message that probably won’t be returned.
This is a tricky question because people often use the term "contract" when they're really referring to a cancellation fee. In other words, customers ask if there’s a contract when they really want to know if there's a cancellation fee. Thankfully, this confusion in terms provides us with a great opportunity to avoid the question. All credit card processors have a contract. A contract is all that fine print that takes a really long time to read, so people usually skip it. Like all processors, Fuzzy Credit Card Processing has a contract.
Fuzzy Credit Card Processing is built on the noble concept of, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
We used to spend tons of time teaching people how credit card processing really worked. We'd bore the daylights out of them talking about things like interchange fees and assessments.
While we naively spent time educating people about credit card processing our crafty competitors were busy pitching exciting "rate-match" offers and using flashy words like "savings" and "low rates" to win a bunch of business.
Our competitors weren't burdened by silly things like facts, so they could explain pricing in a minute or two – something that took us much longer to convey transparently and accurately.
We saw the writing on the wall. Facts are boring and take a really long time to explain. Simple and flashy with a touch of omission and white lie are the ingredients to victory in the processing industry.
That's when Fuzzy Credit Card Processing committed to becoming the most transparently opaque, ethical-when-we're-caught-doing-something-unethical, seemingly competitive processor out there!
On a side note – for those of you still wondering, we should note that Fuzzy Credit Card Processing is a joke – sort of.
Fuzzy Credit Card Processing is maintained by CardFellow, the easiest way to find the most competitive credit card processor.
However, all of the nonsense in the processing industry makes it difficult for people to see just how effective CardFellow's free service really is. Processing reps often use ludicrous sales garbage and the result is that you miss out on the facts and end up paying more than you have to.
Fuzzy Credit Card Processing is CardFellow's way of showcasing all of that sales garbage with a little sarcastic flare to help bring the facts back into focus.
In a nutshell, Fuzzy Credit Card Processing serves two purposes:
1. It's an educational tool that we use to expose the ridiculousness of the processing industry in an attempt to educate people about how things really work.
2. It's an outlet for us to vent frustrations about the ridiculousness of the processing industry when our more conventional explanations through articles and tutorials on CardFellow's blog fail to get the point across.
If you're sick of the exact kind of tactics you're reading about on Fuzzy's website, save yourself further headache and try CardFellow.
Here's what we really do: